


A light that I can't find

by doctorziegler



Series: Goretober 2016 [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Age Difference, Amputation, Blind Character, Blindness, Established Relationship, Eye Gouging, Eye Trauma, Fear Play, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Imbalance, Sensory Deprivation, Surprises, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-18 04:32:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8149207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorziegler/pseuds/doctorziegler
Summary: (Day Two of Goretober: Eye Trauma)Shortly after suffering the brutal extraction of his eyes (as well as an amputated limb) during an undercover mission gone wrong, Blackwatch operative Jesse McCree awakens to an eerily silent room.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally supposed to be fear play smut but it turned into a sort of sweet relationship insight piece featuring my own mcreyes headcanons and i didn't want to ruin it by going any further with my original idea. SORRY FOR LACK OF ACTUAL, Y'KNOW, GORE.
> 
> i may write a continuation in the future, since. well. mcreyes is my otp, and i need to get on actually writing _porn_ for them. dang.
> 
> [ [twitter](https://twitter.com/heatvisions) / [nsfw twitter](https://twitter.com/DOOOMZO) ]

It was quiet when Jesse awoke-- 

 _Too_ quiet.

 _Always wanted to be able to say that_ , the boy thought to himself, sitting upright and running a hand-- the only hand he had _left_ , damn it all to hell-- through his unkempt hair.  _Just, y'know, maybe not under these exact circumstances_.

Not while he was fucking  _helpless_ , or, in the very least, close enough to it that the distinction didn't really matter. He was still unsure in his movements, swinging his legs off of the couch-- it  _felt_ like a couch; Reyes', maybe, probably, from the familiar touch of cool leather against his skin-- and shakily getting to his feet, strips of heavy gauze over his eyes itching his skin with every minute motion. Dr. Ziegler insisted that the bandages stay on, at least for a few weeks more, but they'd long since began to drive Jesse crazy with discomfort-- what did it  _matter_ , anyway, to keep the empty sockets in his head free from harm? He was already blind and permanently disfigured, crippled, for fuck's sake; what was the worst that could happen to him  _now_? 

If a little dirt and dust got into the empty sockets, that wouldn't... _kill_ him, would it? Jesse let out a heavy sigh; he supposed, for the time being, Angela was right to be cautious. He'd only gotten out of his hospital bed recently, after having spent the better part of a month immobile and, shit, who knew _how_ long it'd take wounds as severe as these to heal over. 

Assuming they  _would_ , given any amount of time; Jesse wasn't entirely sure how you recovered from the kind of trauma he'd suffered, or if you ever even did. 

It wasn't like the possibility of having your eyes plucked from your skull while somebody else used a hacksaw to amputate your dominant arm was something they covered extensively in Blackwatch's first aid course. Alright, surviving torture _was_ covered, technically, but that just wasn't the goddamn point, as far as Jesse was concerned.

"Fuckin' bullshit," he mumbled to no one but himself, taking a halfhearted step forward, hand outstretched as he searched for his cane. It _had_ to be here, right? His memories were muddled; he could vaguely recall sharing a drink (or two; or too _many_ ) with the Commander, but-- was that hours ago, or mere minutes? Had he slept a full night here, pass-out drunk, left behind as Reyes decided to go about his daily tasks, allowing Jesse the rest he so sorely needed? Gabriel Reyes wasn't fond of _anyone_ sleeping in his private quarters, not even his own boyfriend, but-- he'd been unusually distant, sometimes even cold since Jesse's accident, and the boy couldn't help the sinking feeling that their relationship was on the rocks. 

Who wanted a blind, one-armed, useless-as-fuck gunslinger as a romantic partner, anyway? _Former_ gunslinger, Jesse cruelly reminded himself, his shin colliding with the coffee table he'd gotten screwed on too many damn times to count. "Where in the fuck _is_ it--" He didn't need the cane to walk right-- his legs were just fine, all things considered; at least _something_ still worked right-- but it _did_ help him measure distance, kept him from just... crashing into shit, which he did, now, _constantly_ , grateful that bruises weren't very noticeable on his dark skin.

"Looking for something, pup?" 

The sound of Reyes' raspy voice caught Jesse so off guard that he nearly toppled over, his knee crashing into the top of the table, _painfully_ , as he caught himself by what felt like the skin of his teeth. " _Shit_ , boss, don't do that to me right now," Gabriel'd always had a habit of startling Jesse, coming up behind him in dark rooms, hands over Jesse's... over Jesse's _eyes_ , and the sensation deprivation had been a turn-on, then, just as much as the fear had been. Now, though, Jesse was spooked by every little thing, by every sound he couldn't immediate identify, his other senses amplified as they attempted to make up for the abrupt loss of visual stimuli. "Unless, y'know, you _want_ me to concuss myself-- wind up drooling all over your carpet, maybe. _Real_ sexy."

As Jesse righted himself, rubbing absently at his knee--  _that_ would leave a mighty bruise, no doubt about it-- he heard Gabriel let out a laugh, leather creaking as he moved to...  _somewhere_. 

All of a sudden, Jesse knew that _something_ was going on here, and he wasn't entirely sure that he was going to like it.

"Hey, let's play hide and seek," Gabriel's voice was in his ear, hot breath ghosting against the back of Jesse's neck; Jesse nearly  _screamed_ , spinning around clumsily and reaching forward, desperate to grab hold of the older man before he'd had a chance to move away. He failed, of course-- Gabriel was  _quick_ , could easily outmaneuver Jesse even before he'd lost his eyesight, which now put the two of them brutally out of balance. The Commander clicked his tongue dismissively, his voice seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere at all, all at once. "Not so fast; I haven't even _hidden_ yet. You've gotta count to ten first, remember? Always been so bad at following my rules, Jesse-- and look where it's gotten you. You're practically jumping at shadows."

 _That_ stung, no matter that the Commander was most likely only teasing, but the jab caused Jesse's stomach to drop, regardless; he thought he must have known, now, why Reyes had been so detached since his accident:

He was  _disappointed_ in him, _by_ him, by his performance in the field, and that hurt Jesse far more than he cared to confess. He'd been grooming Jesse as his second-in-command since liberating him from Deadlock, but, now-- now he was useless, helpless, good for nothing and nobody.

It hurt.  _Christ_ , did it hurt-- "... Do we really gotta do this right now, Gabriel?" Jesse hated the way his voice cracked, hated the bitter way the Commander's name tasted on his tongue; he hated that he wanted nothing more than for Gabriel to cross the room and take him in his arms, to embrace him and tell him that everything was, _would_ be okay, and that he still wanted him, eyes or no eyes; arm or no arm. He hated how  _small_ he felt, how defenseless, as Gabriel undoubtedly paced circles around him-- a predator stalking his prey. "I don't really feel much like playin' at the moment, if it's all the same to you."

If he'd found Gabriel's proximity frightening before, that was nothing compared to the shock of fingers in his hair, a pathetic gasp escaping him as Gabriel dragged him close, their mouths so close to touching that Jesse's entire body burned, yearning for the older man's touch far more than he'd thought possible after going so long without it. "Why not? Don't tell me you're _scared_ , pup." 

The words were spoken against his lips, Gabriel's voice barely above a whisper; Jesse  _shuddered_ , hand coming to rest against Reyes' chest as he leaned into him. "Fuckin'-- of fuckin'  _course_ I'm scared; I'm  _blind_ , jackass-- I'm blind, and I got _one_ goddamn arm, and it's an arm I ain't ever been particularly dexterous with. Stumblin' 'round your room while I look for you ain't exactly somethin' I'm well-equipped for, anymore."

"My boy doesn't spook so easy," Reyes murmured, running his thumb along Jesse's jaw while tipping the younger man's head downward. " _My_ boy, he's tough, you know? He _never_ runs from a challenge, no matter what sort of odds he's got stacked against him." He pressed two soft kisses to Jesse's bandaged...  _sockets_ , and if Jesse'd thought his stomach had fallen to the floor before, well, he'd been wrong. Gabriel was being so gentle, so reassuring, so-- so  _loving_ , but-- what he'd said, before-- "Right, baby? _You_ don't get scared of shit like this. Not you. That's _not_ the Jesse McCree I fell in love with, and I'm sure as hell not interested in some scaredy-cat impostor of my pain-in-the-ass boyfriend."

"Gabriel--" 

Jesse's response was cut off by the older man's mouth, swallowing down his words and bringing Jesse back to reality, to the here and now, from wherever the hell he'd been before. Where he'd been for  _weeks_ , ever since the accident; Gabriel was  _right_ , damn it all to hell and back. Jesse wasn't some timid little lamb, shrieking at every little sound he couldn't identify the source of, too afraid of the whole damn world and its perception of him (helpless; useless) to even bother trying to reintegrate himself into it. 

Holy shit, did he love this man, loved that Gabriel never babied him, nor did he ever offer up any unnecessary sympathy. Gabriel Reyes was a fountain of  _empathy_ , a kind of true kindness that most people were born devoid of; a man like none other, and the kind of man that a mongrel like Jesse knew he could only ever aspire to be more like.

Jesse felt blessed to have him, and that meant a  _lot_ , coming from such a blasphemer.

The younger man took a deep breath, inhaling Gabriel's scent while grabbing onto his hip, unwilling to let him go now that he'd allowed himself to be captured. "You're right. You're _always_ right, _papi_ ," the familiar nickname dragged a warm laugh out of Gabriel, resting his forehead against Jesse's as they stood there in the dark, wrapped up in one another and nothing else. "And... shit, yeah, I'd love to play that damn game with you. Probably be good for me, y'know, help me get outta my own head and focus on somethin' else for a while. If... if _you_ still wanna...?"

At that, Jesse felt Gabriel's smirk, the Commander stepping away from him without a sound. "Wouldn't be very nice of me if I said no now, would I? That means you'd better get to counting, then, cowboy."

" _Heh_. Sir, yes, sir."

[FIN...?]


End file.
